How to talk to your parents about their estate plan

Do not open with the documents

Asking your parents whether they have a will sounds like asking what you are getting. Ask about logistics instead: who they would want handling things, and whether anyone knows where the paperwork lives. The documents come up on their own.

Four questions that actually work

Keep it concrete. Vague questions get vague answers, and then the whole conversation gets rescheduled.

1. Who would you want making decisions if you were in the hospital for a while?
2. Is there an attorney or accountant we should know about?
3. Where are the originals kept, and who else knows?

You are not asking what they own. You are asking who they trust.

Take notes in front of them so it feels like organizing rather than auditing. Then offer to do the boring part: collecting account names, policy numbers, and contact details into one place.

If they shut it down

• Let it go for now and ask again after a birthday, a move, or a health event in the extended family.
• Start with one narrow question instead of the whole plan.
• Do your own plan first, then tell them what you learned.